There are many phases in life, even separate lives in every lifetime.  Mom has been in the final phase of life for a few years, but that has scarcely been a constant thing.  She and Dad at about 90 years of age each had diagnosed cancers and the constant nagging of disabilities and pain.  Still, they had each other and the joys of children and grandchildren engaged in active lives. 

Neither wanted aggressive treatment; it was too late in life for that.  But Mom wanted to survive Dad and did.  Then she said she wanted comfort only and to enjoy events that came.  Many did.  The most recent picture to hang on her wall is a wonderful photograph of her seated between us and Elley and Adam at the wedding along the Hudson River. 

She continued oral medication “chemotherapy” for lung cancer, but this fall she began faltering.  The medication was changed and the “cancer marker” declined, but so did her weight.  The medication added to discomfort and costs hundreds of dollars a day.  She decided not to continue taking it.  We took her to her last appointment with the oncologist this month.  I happened to have the book of wedding photos and showed it to him.  We thanked him for making her survival for the wedding possible.  He gave her a hug.

Last week Mom signed on to hospice care.  This was prompted by peculiarities of our health care system.  Without it the assisted living facility would have to send her to the hospital if she “got sick.”  Still the timing was appropriate.  Her shortness of breath became strikingly more severe that week.  This week she can barely swallow.  The nurses are working on both issues.  Oxygen and morphine assist the breathing.  Steroids and lubricants may help her eating. 

Having lost so much weight already, she can scarcely last long without nutrition.  Laurie is coming today and will stay through tomorrow.  Alex and Elley are coming to make final visits.  A cousin of mine may bring Mom’s brother next week.  Of course that is not easy.  Our Thanksgiving feast will go on but the festivities are dampened.  We are already making near daily trips to York.

My mother is a small woman.  An Italian American girl of 5 foot 2 (alas with brown eyes) she married 6 foot 2 Dad.  He was smart, handsome, and disorganized.  She was smart too and could manage affairs of life.  They worked together to make a family though neither had a college education.  There were rough spots, certainly, but they held it together and saved enough to retire and move to York when the grandchildren appeared there.  We have shared so much together.  She gave everything for the family and the joys it returned.  We will sorely miss her.

Meanwhile, we ask you blessings and hope that she can remain comfortable through the last trial of life.  We hope she rebounds and may see at least a bit of next year, but the rate of decline suggests she will not.  We’ll do our best to comfort her and share her company during the coming weeks.  She got up this morning, good news, and continues to keep us company in this world.  We are grateful to have shared her love.